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you're so boring, i'm so bored [Aug. 7th, 2007|02:16 pm]

after 20 years of what was essentially repression i've decided that i'm totally up for being a massive queer. i have no job and no worries and i love my life. fuck it all.


fantasy festival meme [Sep. 22nd, 2006|02:42 am]
[Current Location |becky's room]
[mood |okayokay]
[music |placebo]

i totally cheated by expanding it to two days, but whatevs.

Name 4 bands/artists to play at your dream festival. The first act plays 5 songs, 2nd act plays 5 songs, 3rd act plays 7 songs, 4th act plays 12 songs.


Act I: Smashing Pumpkins [in 1996]
Bullet With Butterfly Wings
Tonight, Tonight

Act II: The Smiths
Bigmouth Strikes Again
Hand In Glove
Pretty Girls Make Graves
Cemetry Gates

Act III: ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead [in 2005]
Ode To Isis (doesn’t really count as it’s instrumental and only about a minute long!)
Another Morning Stoner
Claire de Lune
Mistakes and Regrets
Heart In the Hand Of The Matter
Worlds Apart
Totally Natural

Act IV: Manic Street Preachers [in 1995]
Little Baby Nothing
From Despair to Where
Life Becoming A Landslide
Stay Beautiful
You Love Us
La Tristesse Durera (Scream To A Sigh)


Act I: Patrick Wolf [in 2005]
The Childcatcher
The Libertine
A Boy Like Me

Act II: From First To Last [in 2006]
The Latest Plague
Populace In Two
World War Me
Note To Self

Act III: Radiohead [in 1995]
The Bends
Paranoid Android
Exit Music (For A Film)
Karma Police
Street Spirit (Fade Out)
My Iron Lung

Act IV: Taking Back Sunday [in 2004]
Set Phasers To Stun
You Know How I Do
A Decade Under The Influence
Great Romances of the 20th Century (demo version)
Bike Scene
Little Devotional
There’s No ‘I’ In Team
One-Eighty By Summer
Head Club
Your Own Disaster
Timberwolves At New Jersey
Cute Without The ‘E’ (Cut From The Team)
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(no subject) [Mar. 7th, 2006|01:24 pm]
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I'll be just fine. [Jul. 28th, 2005|11:13 pm]
[mood |irrational]
[music |the used - all that ive got]

i dont know why i feel so hollow all the time, but i dont like it. actually, thats a lie. i dont think im even moved enough by anything anymore to distinguish between like/dislike.

someone who i used to fancy talked to me tonight, and i was so happy. he has a boyfriend and has had one for 6 months. it was nice to be acknowledged though.

i think that my friends are wonderful people, but the fact that they are so amazing only makes me feel shit. i think that i am a horrible person. i mean, im nice and everything, when i want to be, but i think that fundamentally i am an uncaring cunt.

i fool myself into thinking that if i actually had a boyfriend, ie someone to love (reciprocated. ha.) that it would inject some kind of meaning into my life. but then i think that i have my family. i have friends, i think. and that i take everything for granted. at least, im horrible to my family sometimes. but they are idiots a lot of the time. the reason i was fired from my job was because i dared to logically question the word of the manager. challenging authority in your job gets you fired. reasonably challenging authority at home makes you hated.

my nan is really ill and i think she might die. the other day my mum was crying and screaming at me that i dont care about anyone, and that people give so much to me and 'why cant i be considerate to a 91 year old woman who has done so much for me?'. i think she is just upset that her mum is ill. she had a point though. she really did. and i only argued with her because i knew she was right but i didnt want her to realise that i acknowledge that i am horrible, and treat others like shit sometimes. that wouod place her in a position of power.

and i never want to be seen to be weak, ever. one day this is all going to come crashing down.
you love us. LOVE US.Collapse )
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(no subject) [Jul. 17th, 2005|09:58 pm]
[mood |okayokay]
[music |boxcar racer- letters to god]

So on friday night, we all put on our fancy clothes and went by whichever way we could to MAIDSTONE. which is a random town in the depths of kent. i have no idea why they chose a place that is nowhere near the school in which to hold our prom, but they did anyway. hm. i was a bit pissed off during the day. it turned out that i couldnt have the lift from my parents that i had been expecting. it was my punishment for not washing up a frying pan earlier in the week. a pan that i didnt even know that i HAD to wash up. so i was all angst-ridden and stuff. i had to get the bus to claire's in my prom outfit. and it was hot. so i was sweating like a bitch. for one and a half hours on the bus.

but none of that mattered in the end. because it was prom night. except it didnt feel like the 'end of an era' occasion that it's 'meant' to. it just felt like a party with my friends. which was really nice.

me and claire looked the part:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

because we ARE glamour.Collapse )

in other news, i have read 398 pages of the new Harry Potter book. its very teenage angsty. ron and hermione love each other but neither will admit it. so both end up pulling people that they dont ACTUALLY like and ignoring each other. i keep reading it and imagining 'how they would do this bit' in the films though, which really annoys me. oh and i *heart* the character of Luna Lovegood. She's so bizarre and naive, yet she's really wise. any other Potter-devotees agree? i have such a vivid picture of her in my mind, with huge glasses that make her eyes appear huge, and lank long mousey brown hair, and a 70s style with cord flares or something. i dont remember how she's actually described. i have a tendency for ignoring actual descriptions of a character's physicality when i read, and just inventing it for myself. film interpretations kindof dampen that.

i think my mum might be reading this. she often says to me "i know everything you do on the internet you know". which makes me a bit paranoid. we're not getting on. again. okay i should stop typing now in case she finds this and uses it against me.

ciao <3
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(no subject) [Jul. 12th, 2005|01:24 pm]

i just got fired from my job for having an ATTITUDE PROBLEM!

this is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me!

im giddy.
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i even fell for that stupid love song [Jul. 10th, 2005|11:50 pm]
[mood |meh-drunk-meh]
[music |at the drive-in - one armed scissor]

tonight i met alison and christy at south bank. oh but i couldnt go because they had some bullshit meeting at BARRATTS saying "ohmigod the sale starts soon we're gonna have to work extra hard".

so i went after and it was really fun. we went to the beach bit and wrote things in the sand.

alison wrote (i think it was a lyric or something)


i wrote


it was emotional. and then we listened to 'bring it all back' by S Club 7 on my ipod and all of a sudden the lyrics made so much SENSE. it was nice though to run around in the sand and recieve mocking looks from passers by. it makes me feel alive. like im doing something worth doing.

to quote Brandy Alexander, "the most boring thing in the world is honesty". honesty leaves no mystery. that's why it is our responsibility, as human beings, to cultivate a personality that keeps others entertained. god watches us like a television programme. flicking between channels. when we bore him we die. that's why we always have to keep pushing the boundaries.

i subscribe to the richey edwards school of nutrition where a bottle of vodka quite happily replaces a day's meals.

We're so trained to do life the right way, to not make mistakes. I figure, the bigger a mistake looks, the better chance i'll have to break out and lead a real life... Not that it's bad being a woman. This might be wonderful if i wanted to be a woman. The point is, being a woman is the last thing i want. it's just the biggest mistake i could think to make. [so it's the path to the greatest discovery.]

- Brandy Alexander (Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible Monsters)

I'm a bit obsessed with this book at the moment.

photobucket.com is not fucking working, otherwise this entry would be beautifully illustrated.
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FROM DUSK TO DAWN [Jul. 2nd, 2005|05:55 pm]
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on thursday night we all went out to see ladyfuzz. but things were confused greatly by the fact that everyone is crap and cannot stick to plans. so i got a lift to bexleyheath.

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so i got a bus to FUCKING BROMLEY and met people. then we went to DENMARK HILL. of all places.

(like omg green day are on tv on live 8. berlin. god that would be sweet.)

so we went to lady fuzz in bethenal green and we were very glamourous and indie. and alison sprained her ankle by tripping over, which seemed really funny at the time, but is really not good, on reflection. ladyfuzz were really cool though. i thought that genevieve went back to the drummer's house, but apparently not. i think she just got his number. even though he is an "e-list indie celebrity", its still exciting, because she is my friend, and hence if she gets laid IT IS MY CONCERN.

we went to the metro afterwards, but christy is only 16. hence they IDed him. so we went to THE ROXY, which was amazingly fun. they played songs which everyone knew (including me!), which was somewhat of an antidote from places that only play 'cool' stuff/ stuff that is 'trendy'. it was really fun. oh and they almost didnt let me in because i looked "too wasted". which was a bit hilarious. but they did, because alison is a girl and they listen to her. so she persuaded them, which was nice of her. and we got in there and just danced and danced.

then we go the nightbus. me and alison were bored so we totally camwhored:
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and we got to bexleyheath and were a bit awestruck by the fact that the dawn is beautiful. nature will always be superior to anything madmade. always. I'm arracted by the glamour of london. the fact that its somewhat of an antidote to the place [suburbia] that i live. it has a certain richness to it. like an interwoven tapestry of history, of life. it has a buzz to it. maybe that's because i live in the suburbs, and london is still something of a novelty.


okay i totally have to go watch.
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take this pink ribbon off my eyes [Jun. 29th, 2005|10:37 pm]
[mood |headached]
[music |the sound of my mother sipping wine and watching Big Brother]

I work in a typical suburban shopping centre. When you walk through its doors, you step into an air conditioned vacuum…. the cold shiny marble and the angular surfaces are inhuman. Despite all the careful architectural planning to make Bluewater a stylish shopping destination, it is nevertheless artificial. There are people there too. But the place is devoid of empathy. If I used the place as it was meant to be used, as a shopping destination that I could go to every so often, then it would be fun. But as it is, it’s claustrophobic. Like, it’s been really hot weather lately, but Bluewater is like a separate bubble, a whole new world, if you will. That’s why I love to be able to come here in my lunchbreak, and sit on GRASS and actually feel sunlight on your face, and just listen to my music and escape for an hour.

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I just think its really nice. I know its all ‘landscaped’ and shit, but I love it. Maybe its just a reaction to the plastic surroundings that im in all day. Because I never used to be like that before. I thrived on the city, on the glamour.

It’s fun, but it has an expiry date.

Maybe im just a country boy at heart. Im really looking foreward to going to the beach at bennicassim though. Obviously im looking forward to the festival in every possible way, but I haven’t felt hot sand between my toes for so long, and I miss it.

But then I always have these romantic visions of how things are going to turn out. They never quite work.
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OH MY GOD [Jun. 20th, 2005|08:11 pm]
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full account to follow bitches...
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